I am Home

For those that have followed my saga.  Mama having enlisted the help of my earthbound friends and My angels to do detective work and found out that my earthly remains had been in a freezer for three months.  *shakes my head*  

BUT I am home, on my shelf along with what is left of Hershey's remains.  Most of his ashes were spread across several states and I know that mine will be as well as soon as Mama can get her traveling shoes on.  Hershey flew down one night and pushed me over to the other side of the shelf.  He said I was crowding him *as if*.  He was a bigger doggie than me, so I think it is more him crowding me than the other way around.  But I am there with a monkey that Lily gave me, and my beaded collar that Hattie Mae gave me.  Mama let my Harley collar stay on me, and of course my monkey.  But, she wanted me to have a monkey on a shelf.  I don't really think that is anything close to to "elf on a shelf".  And my mammoth.  I was never allowed to play with my mammoth 'cause Mama thought it was special.  So he resides on the shelf with me.

I have been very busy sitting at Mama's side, licking her leg, trying to make that nasty old spider bite better.  For two weeks solid, I have sat there cause someone told me that doggie licks were the best thing to heal, not just tears, but wounds.  Now I am not saying that is the best thing in the world, and I am not a doctor, but it seems to have worked.  The nasty spider thing has closed up and is gonna leave a scar, and the swelling is gone. YAY.  So I have left Mama's side and flown back to the bridge.

I am looking at the beautiful Smoochy's moon tonight.  I am sure it has another name but for Mama it will always be Smoochy's moon.  My heart still hurts and I know Mama's does.  I see those tears and feel her loneliness.  I remember most of all the love.  The love she gave me unconditionally was epic, as all of the doggies here at the Bridge, we know how much we were loved and cared for.  

Life is good here at the Bridge.  I have enrolled in Leo's Cheffie classes.  And maybe one day I can boil an egg or at least water.  *chuckles*  

  

Freezing At the Bridge

The other day we were relaxing on a communal cloud.  Doggies dropped by off an on all day and we talked, laughed, and ate for hours.  Doughnuts are not fattening here at the Bridge and I always keep a huge plate of them available.  I am back up to my pre cancer weight of 140 pounds.  But no matter what I eat, I don't get any heavier.  Life is good here at the Bridge.  I only have one problem. . . 

I have been having fits of freezing.  Hershey and Linky thought it was very very strange since it is usually a wonderful temperature here.  While popping doughnuts, we decided to fly home later that day.  I talked Leo, Brody, Linky and a few others into joining us.  Paco said he was up for it.  And all of a sudden, Reba and Lucy said they would go too.  So we decided to fly down a little later.

We gathered at the meeting tree later,  and flew down on a beautiful moonlit night.  Smoochy's Moon.  If anyone had been looking at the moon at just the right time, they would have seen a winged pack of angels flying in it's silhouette.  We were having a wonderful time flying in the cool, clear night.  Then I saw it, Home.  We flew down swiftly and landed in the back yard.  Hershey stuck his head in the doggy door and looked back at us and told us to come on.  

We came in quietly, the doggy door flopping over and over again and I saw Mama turn her head to the noise but seeing nothing she shook her head and then she felt it.  The cool touch of all of the Bridge pack rubbing against her legs and nuzzling her hand.  The smile on her face was huge.  

We wandered about the house for a bit, sniffing everything.  My pillow was still in it's place.  Mama just can't seem to get rid of it.  Other things were gone though.  My food bowl, some toys.  My 3 foot monkey was in the chair and I touched it with my nose.  I heard a noise and looked around.  Linky was rolling my wiggly giggly ball around.  Reba and Lucy were looking in Mama's make up drawer.  Then I heard a slight growl.  I turned and Hershey was sitting in front of the book shelf.  He was looking at the top shelf, the shelf that holds his ashes and collar.  He whispered, "Look".  I looked at there were no Smoochy ashes.  No where.  We looked everywhere but nothing. Nada.  

Hershey looked at the rest of us and just spoke quietly with a little growl. . . "let's go".  I was not sure where we were going but we took off in a run out the doggie door and flew up into the night air.

We flew for a bit, then landed at a pet funeral parlor.  The one Mama had sent me too.  Leo broke into a window and we all piled through.  "You know you have been cold, Smoochy", Hershey said.  "I think I know why".  He started opening freezer doors, then we all did.  

In front of one, I eased the door open and fell to the floor.  They all gathered around, and there I was.  Frozen. . . . No wonder I had been cold.  I had an icicle on my nose.  I started to wail, shaking and crying.  

Hershey and Paco put there paws around me.  Hershey got this look on his face and stomped off.  We all followed.  When we got in the office we saw him writing as best he could on a piece of paper.

CALL xxx-xxx-xxxx Mama Kay and apologize and tell her you are sorry.  NOW!

The note was ominous, but we filed out a little subdued and flew back to the Bridge.

Mama got a call Wednesday. . . The earthly remains of Smoochy will be home on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!

Angel Power. . . to the Moon And Back.  And I am no longer *cold*

Sorrow

This week has been one of sorrow.  I was lounging waiting for Leo to come visit.  He has been so busy with all of his Brigade friends that I had invited him to come today, hoping he had time to acclimate himself to things here.  I was planting flowers around the pond that I made of Mama's tears.  It has been close to flooding some days, yesterday was the third month I had been here and I must say I thought it was gonna run over.  Then I felt it, that pierce to My heart and that howl that began at one end of the Bridge and built as it rolled over me.  Now, being a Lab I have never howled in my life with Mama, but I have learned the ability to do so here.

I looked over in the meadow and all of the Brigade Angels were gathering for the second time this week.  The howl gained force and I began to run to join them.  Hershey ran by, Brody, Bo, Reba, everyone.  The howl began low and reached a crescendo.  I found myself joining in.  No one had to tell me, I knew that Paco had come home to join us.  The mournful howl was not for him.  There was nothing but joy, knowing that he had not felt well in a while but leaving his Mom was so hard for him to do.  The howls were for our pawrents.  

The Brigade Angels are a very tight knit group.  We feel every pain of every parent that allows their dog to come to the Bridge.  This howl continued and the meadow was full.  The sound reached a peak and we knew that some of our pawrents would hear it as thunder and they would know that we were mourning with them and the physical loss of us in their lives.

Finally, the howl ended and we were hugging and being very quiet.  My throat hurt but it was a good hurt.  The sound was somehow our gift to those we left behind, Moms, Dads, and our other doggie siblings.  

The Bridge these past few weeks have been very busy.  So many pawrents have come to take their loved pets with them farther on.  It was a beautiful reunion and we were a little wistful as each one walked by proudly beside of their Mom or Dad.  We long for that sweet reunion ourselves.  Mama's pack. . . Hershey, me, Toodles, Inky, Charlie, Corkey all of the rest want to feel the touch of Mama's hands and we will one day.  But we don't want it to be anytime soon.  We want them happy and healthy until that day finally comes for them.  

Our prayer here at the Bridge is peace somehow someway.  Peace.  I wonder if that is possible, all I can do is pray for it.  There was a song years ago *Eve of Destruction* I hate to think that song is in Mama's head.  I hear it when she hums it.  We seem to be tuned in to our Pawrents thoughts.  Some of them I put my paws over my ears and try to tune out.  *chuckles*  

For Paco and Leo's Mom's there is nothing but love and prayers for you.  You are lifted up every day.  

Contemplation

I landed on a tree this morning, right up at the tippy top.  There is a puddle underneath my branch.  I have been thinking of all of my friends who are not feeling well.  I am happy here at the Bridge, but that doesn't mean there aren't days of sadness.  *looks over at my monkey, who is always beside of me* I found out my monkey is a girl!!!!!  Here all this time I thought she was a he *looks down at Mama and blames her a little for not teaching me the facts of life*.  Well, I guess she didn't need to, I was "fixed" at 6 months old and for heavens sake I still squat to pee.  A source of amusement to Hershey and the other male doggies.  They tried to teach me, but I just kinda fall over.  Another source of amusement.  *laughs*

But again I am wool-gathering.  My monkey needs a name.  I liked the one Ms. Lily suggested. . . Huckleberry.  But does that mean I would have to paint her blue?  And Infinity, I liked that one too, cause I will love all of you to infinity and beyond.  But then I thought of one of the most beautiful doggies I have met up here.  Bailey, with her beautiful strand of pearls around her neck.  So...  I asked Miss Bailey if she would mind and she said no in that typical southern doggie way.  So please meet  Bailey.

Miss Bailey even found her this pretty pink dress.  She has long been my friend in one form or another and now I have someone that makes me look good.  *smiles*  She is pretty demanding though, always trying to make me follow the straight and narrow. . . as if that look from Miss Foley doesn't do it.  *smirks*  

There are so many doggies that I am getting to meet, ones that were only legend to me in the past.  And Tommy Tunes has taken me under his wing and is tutoring me on how to be a good angel.  And I am always listening to his stories.  He has so many stories.  I used to think I could spin a good yarn, but I have met my match.

Other than worrying about my friends, I am having a wonderful time.  There is always something to get into, uh do.  And always someone to do them with.  Hershey, who has been here for 8 years knows the ropes pretty well and we spend the nights together, even though he will not let me crawl on his head like he used to.  It is a wonder he didn't bite a leg off a time or two.  I was just a cuddly puppy who loved his big brother, not a malicious bone in my body.  Okay okay there might have been.

*sees Brody and Fella under the tree and knows it is time to have some fun*  Floats down out of the tree with Bailey following me.  We are planning another trip to the moon soon.  I will send a full report of what I find there.

Sending you lots of Smoochy loves and hugs.

Grounded

*sighs*  I have been officially grounded.  By my own hand uh wings.  Let me recount the day. . . .

It was a beautiful day at the Bridge.  I had been occupying my time with Brody and Fella.  We were divebombing doggies, rabbits, mouses and other smaller creatures.  I find this lots of fun since I learned to use these big black wings of mine.  Brody kept telling me that we shouldn't do this and with fear in his voice he whispered "Foley won't like it."  I just kinda pooh poohed him and continued in my ways.  I almost felt like Evil Smoochy was in those black wings of mine.  For those of you, you will remember that Evil Smoochy did some really horrible things, and he was a part of me that was hard to control.  Especially when that big old full moon hung in the sky.

We landed and I could no more lay down to rest when a messenger angel came fluttering down with a note in his a paw.  I nodded and took the heavy vellum envelope and read it.  Fear crept in to my heart. . . .  My Chambers NOW.  signed Judge Foley Monster

I handed it to Fella and I could see the look in his eyes and he clapped me on the shoulder.  "We will go with you."  I looked at Brody and he nodded in agreement looking a little chagrined.  "But, wait." you didn't get envelopes?" I whispered.  They just looked at me and said "No, just you Smoochy."

I headed to Miss Foley's chambers, pushed open the door and saw her.  She was sitting in her chair, robes freshly pressed,  On one side of her was Miss LadyBug on the other was Mr. Tommy Tunes.  I immediately felt like a mini pomeranian in her presence.  I walked through the doggies that were gathered and shivered as I saw Hershey who just nodded, Bo was there, Brody and Fella had moved into the audience.  I saw Miss Lily's family, just staring at me shaking their head.  All of my friends who had came to the bridge before me were looking at me, I saw one in the back who was almost looking at me in awe.  I noted the look with a slight nod, it was Miss Aran.  I started to shake a bit and ducked my head as I walked down that long aisle to come to rest before Miss Foley's chair.  My monkey was sitting over to the side, looking stern.

I sat there with my wings folded, silent.  I heard her clear her throat and begin to speak.  "Smoochy, I am very disappointed in you."  I could not look her in the eyes, I just stared at the floor.  "You were given your wings, those gorgeous black wings are not meant to create havoc.  Bring in the first victim."  I turned to look as a little rabbit I had buzzed earlier this morning, she was soaking wet, her ears were flopping on the ground.  Foley looked at me, "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

I looked over at Cottontail and begin to speak slowly, "I did not mean to cause you harm," voice quivering a bit, "I am sorry, abjectly sorry."

Cottontail nodded and limped away.  

Foley turned back to me, eyes stern.  "I could bring many more in, and I know you were not alone, but Fella and Brody are not at fault.  They were happy to see you here and wanted you to get used to your wings and they did not participate in any of the shenanigans, they merely flew with you."  

She continued, sighing.  "I could remove your wings, or give you white ones so everyone will see you coming.  But I will not.  But you will not be able to fly for three weeks.  Not ONCE.  Do you understand?"

"You need to control Evil Smoochy, so sitting on a cloud will be your punishment."  She reached down and touched my wings and I knew immediately I could not fly.  

I walked out of those chambers completely chastised.  Head down, tail between my legs.  I have sat for three weeks.  

BUT. . . my punishment is over.  Smiles and unfolds my wings and lifts off . . . floating once again.  Free and Happy.  *spies a little chihauhua and starts down, but pulls up and flies happily off to see Miss Sierra and Miss Chey*  Looks over and my monkey is floating beside of me. . . Yes, life here at the Bridge is good as long as I keep out of Miss Foley's chambers *chuckles and soars off*

MAMA

The last few weeks Mama kept saying I was eating so much, she of course was happy about that because I had lost so much.  But, what I had secretly been doing was sending my kibble to my friends to pay for Mama some presents.

I looked down and saw her head to the post office and I reached for the heavy duty umbrella, having learned my lesson a few days ago about Mama's and tears.  I saw her reach in the box and get the key that opens another box.  I never did quite understand all the hoops she has to jump through at the post office and instead of rain it began to hail.  HAIL.  How could it hail at the Bridge.  Then I realized that Mama was not only crying but laughing.  Thank heavens for the heavy umbrella.  I looked down around My paws and it looked like snow.  I just shook My head and watched her.  

There were two packages.  Inside one was another package with the message:

To My Wonderful Mama.  I will always love you to infinity and beyond.  Your Baby Boy Smoochy

Then she touched the bracelet that was in the package and I was wondering if a monsoon had set in.  Holding the umbrella tightly as she opened it and just held it to her heart.

Oh My, there were no words, a paw, an infinity sign, a moon and star, a tag with my name on it, a heart, a doggy, an angel wing, and another heart with dog paws on it.  A vial to put a piece of My hair and my earthly remains. AND A MONKEY . , . see right between the dog paw and infinity sign.  A MONKEY.  

How can I ever tell you, my friends, how much this meant to me?  I have no words.

Then another package from Rainbow Bridge.  I laid down under a rock to get out of the hail, rain, snowstorm that had appeared over me as she reached for it.  

It was from me at the Bridge to Mama via the roundabout way of North Carolina.  Well, it took Mama an hour to get into it.  It seems my helper used at least a roll of packing tape on it.  *chuckles* But inside was this:

There was a picture of me with my big black beautiful wings.  Thank you Foley for allowing me to have black ones.  I think Evil Smoochy is somewhere smiling at them .  

Thank you so much Miss Molly for the beautiful work.  You are amazing.  And then Mama opened the other package inside.  It was a perfect statue of me.  Mama will use it on her desk.

*wraps My angel wings around all of you and gives everyone of you a special hug and kiss*  You my friends are amazing.  I am so thankful that TB exists.  I am so glad that I got to know each and every one of you.  

I love you all. . . to the Moon and Back.

21 Days to Break A Habit

I was enjoying a nice day, floating along reading a magazine.  I was flipping through the articles when I saw one titled "21 Days to Break a Habit".  I looked up and the thought it hit me that it had been 21 days since I left Mama.

I pondered, distracted only occasionally as a friend ran by heading to the lake.  Brody, wandered up and asked what I was reading.  I showed him the article and he looked at me kinda funny.

"There are some habits that can't be broken, Smooch.  Some habits that we wish had never been broken but were between time and space.  We can't break the wish for our Mom's hand on our head.  The hugs we longed for.  The gentle pets while we were asleep.  Habits that we wish for every minute of the day."  Brody looked up and I could see the tears in his eyes.  I hugged him and he turned and walked down the meadow, a little slower pace than normal.

I thought about what he said and realized that the 21 days away from Mama, while wonderful and filled with the love of old friends and new ones that I had only heard about were fantastic.  But, there were habits I would never forget or not long for.

1.  Listening for Mama's car to turn the corner and head up the road to the house.
2. The sound of the key in the door and me running to get my monkey to shake at her
3.  The treat she gave me every time she came home - cheeseburger no onions, or duck neck
4.  Nuzzling her hand to let her pet me.
5.  Being brushed and all that loose labbie hair flying around.
6.  Doing the Smoochy dance at the door when she said the words, "Let's Go"
7.  Taking long trips with Mama with my nose laying on the window sill.
8.  Running and jumping on the bed, snuggling in beside of her at night.
9.  Laying out on the deck, warming in the sun
10.  The touch of her hand on my muzzle and the sweet kisses she would give me.

The tears rolling down my muzzle as those memories, so fresh in my mind, come flooding over me.  I just fell over on the grass, knowing now why I see so many of my Bridge friends doing the same thing from time to time.  Overcome by grief and the memories that linger. Knowing that our parents are doing the same thing on occasion.  There is no bridge to those things.  

I peeked down and saw Mama sitting on the bed, running her hands over the spot that I used to lay in and I know the grief she feels at that moment.  Knowing that there will be days when it will claim us for a brief time.  No matter how wonderful our memories, 21 days cannot break the habit of remembering the touches we shared. 

Mama would sing a song "One More Day" to me on occasion.  I think I realize what the words of that last verse meant now.

One more day, one more time 
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still for one more day with you.

*sighs softly*  Happy Mama's Day, Mama.