21 Days to Break A Habit

I was enjoying a nice day, floating along reading a magazine.  I was flipping through the articles when I saw one titled "21 Days to Break a Habit".  I looked up and the thought it hit me that it had been 21 days since I left Mama.

I pondered, distracted only occasionally as a friend ran by heading to the lake.  Brody, wandered up and asked what I was reading.  I showed him the article and he looked at me kinda funny.

"There are some habits that can't be broken, Smooch.  Some habits that we wish had never been broken but were between time and space.  We can't break the wish for our Mom's hand on our head.  The hugs we longed for.  The gentle pets while we were asleep.  Habits that we wish for every minute of the day."  Brody looked up and I could see the tears in his eyes.  I hugged him and he turned and walked down the meadow, a little slower pace than normal.

I thought about what he said and realized that the 21 days away from Mama, while wonderful and filled with the love of old friends and new ones that I had only heard about were fantastic.  But, there were habits I would never forget or not long for.

1.  Listening for Mama's car to turn the corner and head up the road to the house.
2. The sound of the key in the door and me running to get my monkey to shake at her
3.  The treat she gave me every time she came home - cheeseburger no onions, or duck neck
4.  Nuzzling her hand to let her pet me.
5.  Being brushed and all that loose labbie hair flying around.
6.  Doing the Smoochy dance at the door when she said the words, "Let's Go"
7.  Taking long trips with Mama with my nose laying on the window sill.
8.  Running and jumping on the bed, snuggling in beside of her at night.
9.  Laying out on the deck, warming in the sun
10.  The touch of her hand on my muzzle and the sweet kisses she would give me.

The tears rolling down my muzzle as those memories, so fresh in my mind, come flooding over me.  I just fell over on the grass, knowing now why I see so many of my Bridge friends doing the same thing from time to time.  Overcome by grief and the memories that linger. Knowing that our parents are doing the same thing on occasion.  There is no bridge to those things.  

I peeked down and saw Mama sitting on the bed, running her hands over the spot that I used to lay in and I know the grief she feels at that moment.  Knowing that there will be days when it will claim us for a brief time.  No matter how wonderful our memories, 21 days cannot break the habit of remembering the touches we shared. 

Mama would sing a song "One More Day" to me on occasion.  I think I realize what the words of that last verse meant now.

One more day, one more time 
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still for one more day with you.

*sighs softly*  Happy Mama's Day, Mama.